wakturuang

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ The biggest heartbreak is when we love someone without the owner knowing, and we have to stop loving before we start.

Today I'm really lazy to be productive again, I'm just taking Korean lessons because I haven't paid for wifi xixixi. I don't want to help with wifi first so I can take xixi lessons. I swear, I don't know why I'm lazy like this, even though at first I was excited to carry out the morning routine that I made myself. the first week was smooth, the second week was smooth, the third week was a little disturbed because of other things. and now the fourth week is left tomorrow in October suddenly my lazy mode is active. I swear it's true, it's really hard to build good habits, it takes intention. need spirit. need power. btw, I'm reading the book Atomic Habits from there I learned that good habits are practiced every day so as not to cause bad habits, and by leaving bad habits to build good habits. said James Clear I swear I'm sorry if I wrote the name wrong because I'm at my mother's shop again, I'm not at home, so please forgive me if the ...

Today is my day of rest. I don't do anything all day. in the morning, only tutoring and helping mom for a while. noon at 12 o'clock I slept and until the midday prayer was around two o'clock or less I also woke up because I forgot to pray. It's dangerous, if you don't sleep, don't pray, then you don't wake up again, it's scary, astaghfirullah ya Allah. hahaha It's late now and I just made a to-do list for tomorrow. quite busy because today just relax hehe. Fyi, I was talking about my college with my mom. My mom and dad want me to continue with the health analysis. But, I want to take English literature. very far. I keep thinking like this. did I take both of them for 4 years and after 4 years I got 2 titles. The title my parents want and the title I want. I said this to my mom, 'I want to study analyst again, but I also want to take English literature then mama casually replied 'okay if you can brain, physically and money' I'm ready i...

aku tinggi aku cantik tapi kadang insecure :)  

  happy birthday septeye last night I meet with my friend,  to surprise my friend because it is a birthday. we just met one month ago because all my friends are very busy.  it felt awkward, I talk about the future with my classmate at school. she says If she doesn't follow his parents' words she will fail. I think it's wrong. cause, my future is mine.  not my parents. our parents only support her not to arrange his future even though we are taken care of by our parents from childhood. do we marry someone we don't love and that's the choice of our parents? don't you?. our future is ours. for example, I want to study at A and I just found a passion after graduating. and my parents told me to study at B and I just realized that all this time it was not my passion.  I don't know. the correct answer should follow yourself or your parents?.

  It's 11.00 pm but I still can't sleep, I've just finished eating, so I'm not clear on what I'm doing, and going to bed right away isn't good for my stomach. better talk to yourself. In the past month and a half, I have developed a morning habit that is quite strange for me. I do this habit because I have a goal that I have to pursue next year. At first, it was so hard, just really hard to live with this habit, or in Indonesian, it's a habit. yes, morning habit. which I started from the beginning of September, namely: 5-minute meditation reading books listen to English podcasts read English articles. weird isn't it? I swear I'm doing this morning habit that I don't make myself, it's very difficult, the boss needs to be intentional. It's been a week, after waking up in the morning, I'm more refreshed and there are a lot of new English words that I got from reading articles; English, and listen to English podcasts. and now it's the...

  my daily routine today I learn the language Korean. and I've been studying for three days and I have a little progress. I can speak the Korean language because I haven't written a module for three days.  because I'm so busy with many things to work on. I help my mother, and I taking care of pets. I have two pets and the first is a cat and hamster. Actually. it's easy to care for pets. the point is there are other things to take care of.  the name course is Lesson | Small talk and conversational vocabulary by the Georgia Institute of technology. the course teaches and how to small talk. and she teaches to point for small talk to people.  that remember the key point :  be the first to say hello and introduce yourself  ask question be good listener show your interest find out you and other person have in common extend the conversation. that's a tip for small talk. tomorrow I show your many tips again okay :) 

 pesan untuk seseorang yang menyakitiku.  this is the last message for you. You are the greatest person I have ever known. You are a brave man, a man full of responsibility. I have never met and know someone like you before. only you are special and different from others. maybe if I knew you from the first I could take your heart, but you first get to know my friend. what can I do I have to let you go? feelings no one knows how feelings are unmanageable. even though forgetting you is one of managing my feelings I have to forget you for the sake of my friend and more importantly for me. The feeling is like the wind as it pleases it blows, at will, it approaches humans on earth. maybe, I can't describe the feeling like the wind because the value of a feeling is priceless and very precious. of course, this feeling from 2020 until now is very precious and sincere. I am sincere but always neglected. I love you like I lost the real me. because of all the ways and all the means, I tr...

I swear by what I failed on the fifth quiz, luckily one of the three questions was repeated. because it's really hard why the heart and brain aren't really in sync, astaghfirullah. just because of my tutoring heart, it's a mess?!  I swear I've been fine before. I've never been brought up about boys in this lesson, why is it like this, damn he fills my brain and heart oh my gosh!1 . Today I'm trying to move, clean the house, take Korean language lessons, and write this because I believe that if we are consistent we will succeed and will not fail. I know everyone has their ups and downs. and in my opinion, there is no time to down and it's just a waste of time.  I'll be strong under circumstances. because I believe in this world there can be no problem if there is no answer. no matter how difficult the problem is. And you're just because of a guy, your little goals are falling apart?! not so badass!! You have to be able to fight your feeling of lazines...

 why does this feeling never reach the owner, what did I do wrong in the past?. always in vain, why am I not destined to fall in love?? I feel my feelings are in vain. and after my feelings were in vain and not reciprocated, I felt that I didn't deserve anyone. I feel that I am useless in this world. I'm also confused as to why I'm like this. I should focus on my small goals. I'm not hypocrite and I can't lie. I need someone who supports other than my parents. And as long as you all know that my parents didn't allow me to study abroad. so it just feels empty, everyone doesn't know what I want. Everyone doesn't understand what I want, even though I've told you slowly. "Mah, I want this, yes, it's free, how come it's free, I just need the money in the document" I said yes, but I politely refused. I don't know why my way of thinking is not clear, I don't have a definite direction. everyone is the same

  I am aware of one thing, one very better thing, I am very aware that feelings cannot be forced. I should have known from the start. but, I'm aware. Like I said from the start, feelings can't be forced, Nisa :) You have to step back, back away from this reality. going forward also not necessarily him wants to be with you nisa. You don't have to force things that are not your destiny. Why do I always have to be like this, I like people, people never like me back. what am I missing? smart? beautiful? White? It's hard to accept my situation as it is. what do you want? Nowadays, all people always look at the physical, right? Honestly, I've never seen it physically or not. because handsome does not necessarily have a good attitude. handsome is not necessarily good, handsome is not necessarily the same frequency. handsome is not necessarily a believer. ah, many things are handsome, the main thing is the test. and I also do not see from his throne treasure. I see someone ...

If you were given the choice to choose a friend or a friend, what would the answer be? boy..or friend...  If I were going to choose a male friend, I could look for it again, while friends who are real friends are very rare. It's really hard to find friends who are hard to have fun with, it's rare. I hope that if for example you or I choose a friend, yes, our friend must know ourselves, we must know if he is our priority. if not, please explain, still don't understand?? it's better to just leave it, a stiff friend has a friend like that. But yeah, if you think about it, feelings can't lie either. Feelings can't be forced. Feelings suddenly appear, it's impossible to say 'uh I love you the feeling just proceeds from like.. continues to love.. don't know if it continues to love or not. I've never felt it. I just can't get over my feelings for him. I'm not kidding, hey. Everyone is like that, isn't it? but what is clear is that I will wit...

day one i learned korean language and i'm so happy today beacuse i got email from coursera and now i can learn korean language. the course consist of six modules  each composed of five units. Each unit has vocabulary, grammar and expressions, conversation practice, video clips showing students’ real-life conversations in Korean, quizzes, a workbook, and vocabulary lists I'm really happy to be able to learn Korean from a well-known university in Korea, namely Yonsei University, and the one who teaches the language from there too, thank God, you always provide a way for all my dreams. I hope from here I can study abroad, God willing, amen. if you want to see I'm learning Korean and anything stay tuned in my on Instagram @ohnisax okay bye bye.  

        setiap malam hanya memikirkanmu, isi kepala ini hanya di penuhi tentang dirimu. entah lah kenapa atau aku yang terlalu perasa yang baru mendengar mulut buayamu itu. padahal aku sudah membuat pembatas tembok yang besar agar tidak terbawa perasaan olehmu namun tetap saja hati ini so empty and lonely dan tidak bisa bohong bahwa aku butuh sosok yang seperti dirimu di hidupku. 

      mengenalmu adalah hal yang paling indah dalam hidupku. mengenalmu sungguh aku sangat bersyukur di kenalkan laki-laki sepertimu. jujur aku gak tau kenapa perasaan ini ada, dan entah kapan perasaan ini muncul. entah kapan perasaan ini timbul sampai ke keyboard dan ku ketik saat ini juga,  ku harap di hari terakhirmu besok kau bahagia dan di temukan manusia yang baik dan tulus di sekelilingmu. saat aku tahu kamu bisa membuatku jatuh sejatuhnya aku berdoa kepada tuhan semoga kamu menjadi pria di bab pertama dan di bab terakhirku dengan akhir yang bahagia dan yang hanya bisa memisahkan kita hanyalah waktu.  aku gak bisa sampaikan ini secara langsung but now i write this  semoga suatu saat nanti kamu baca bahwa aku berharap kamu bahagia bersama pilihanmu. aku turut bahagia 

selamat tinggal selamat melanjutkan hidupmu untuk hari selanjutnya di tempat baru dengan orang baru. semoga kamu di kelilingi orang-orang yang baik dan tulus terhadapmu. karena aku cuma bisa berdoa untuk kebaikan dan kebahagiaan batin dan ragamu. walaupun itu sebenarnya bukan tanggung jawabku untuk berdoa perihal dirimu, hmm tapi rasanya aku cuma bisa melakukan hal ini untuk memenuhi semua perasaan yang tak terbalas ini. bertemu dan mengenalmu adalah hal terindah yang pernahku lakukan seumur hidupku.  A  ❤

  I don't know what day it is not to chat with him first, it feels like this. it's just normal, but I remember it, I'm confused, right? I want to chat first with prestige, I don't remember the chat first. the last chat was on 30 august two days ago. I can't wait to chat with him on September 10th.  just randomly choose the 10th to chat again. There are various reasons why I didn't chat with him first after I didn't reply to my chat because... One thing, I want to test this cave, do you like it or just play games? Well, if you've laughed a lot, today, it's only been two days since I remember him, even though it's not that intense. Second, if I love you, what do you want? It was obvious earlier that I liked him.  I don't even know what to do with it. fight? I don't know, I'm really weak when I've been ignored. third, for example, if I fight for him, will he be annoyed if I fight for him while he is just ignorant, nauzubillah, like a...

    I don't know why I've been feeling this way lately. I don't feel calm, I feel like I have to finish something but I don't know what it is. Lately, I feel like I don't understand myself, it feels like I don't understand myself. In the last few days, I have started to meditate, read books, listen to English podcasts, read English articles. So that I know what I want myself to be, I've been productive, I wasn't productive last week. I don't know what I want. Confused with yourself is worse than a relationship without certainty. Indeed, August has a lot of doubts, a lot of doubts. I'm lost again. It's like people don't have dreams, it's hard if your parents don't agree with your dreams. So confused about what to start, what to do.        

 Rabu, 01 September 2021  It's really hard to be productive anymore :'( It's really hard to be productive anymore, I feel like my moody keeps coming back when I feel like this, then I feel like that. I swear, covid does not have an external impact on life, but internally as well. My mentality has been hit, wow, during a pandemic like this, I've been trying hard to do the best for myself and the environment. Before going to the crowd, you have to go to yourself first. But it's still hard for me, I don't know myself, why I'm so on to something later, then it's off again, just like that until the PPKM is finished ️ until I start writing a blog again, it's bad, it's like people don't have a passion for life. Btw, before I typed on my laptop I wrote in an oath book I haven't written in a book in a very long time. Maybe... I haven't written in a book in a year and you know my writing is like chicken claws again. Anyway, if you don't pra...