wakturuang

  Tonight I realized one thing that made my heart hurt a little. your heart still belongs to someone else, while my heart has been yours since mid-2020. I don't know why I have these feelings for you. I'm confused. maybe because you are different. you are unique you are different from the others. and my heart may have just met someone like you so it feels different, maybe yes. but I salute your heart which still belongs to someone else, you want to try sincerely to give up your past, I can only pray here so that you quickly forget and soon realize that I am here who is always waiting for you. I don't know until when.. it feels very comfortable to love people secretly. I feel like it's already a friend. it's even weird if you know my true feelings. you are my universe.

        aku gak tau apa yang aku rasain. entah ini maksud nya apa tuhan kenapa dia penasaran sama aku. kenapa dia ingin tahu tentang saya dan kehidupan saya? dia bilang cuma pengen tahu aja, cuma penasaran aja. but aku rasa tujuan nya bukan itu, entahlah maksud dia apa.

Now on October 08, 2021, at 3:13 pm I'm still writing the Korean language module. last night around 10 o'clock if I'm not mistaken I replied to Loren's status I swear for what I'm really stupid huh. even though I promised myself to forget him because he likes my friend. When I replied to Loren's Whatsapp status, I didn't think about it, just commenting like that. and I don't expect to get a reply from him. because the last time I started an appointment with myself to forget him, I made status and he replied to my status and I didn't reply at all until the 7th yesterday. and yeah at night I responded and chatted until now. we talk about each other's lonely selves and throw codes at each other. ahh but I don't know what the code is or not. The point is, last night's chat was really deep, it hit my heart so much that I fell asleep while waiting for her reply. god if he's the best be close. if he is bad change him as I want him

 I don't know how I feel at all. I don't know what I feel. since yesterday thinking about people from the past constantly. I didn't think about it, but it crossed my head that it's still stuck until now. I don't know, I'm not sure what to do. even though I  have been busy forgetting the people who came from the past. Lord, make me focus on what I want to achieve. I don't want others (past), others (past) to only harm me. If he is good, draw near to Allah. if others (past) are not good then keep God away. I ask. I make friends with silence. loneliness has become my friend. it feels lonely my daily food. from loneliness I learned, I can come to the past and see my mistakes then correct them in the present to produce results in the future. I am not necessarily right or wrong by correcting my past mistakes. loneliness has been ingrained in my life. whether he has entered into a part of me. silence means a lot to me. lonely arrival is my fault from the past, lone...

    ketika aku berharap kamu menjadi laki-laki bagian dari hidupku. aku gak bisa, aku gak cantik, aku biasa-biasa aja otak pun biasa aja, dan kamu punya nama terkenal dimana-mana, punya gelar rasanya kamu seperti bintang dan aku kumbang yang dibumi dan hampir punah.  aku cuma hanya bisa berharap dalam angan agar tuhan mengabulkan di bait pertama dalam tulisan ini.  aamiin